just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
