I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
