thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
