Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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