so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
