i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
