Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
