Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
