In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
