I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
