So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
This house was built for laser tag.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
