I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
