You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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