My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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