you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
