I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
