I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
