do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize