So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
