Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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