Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
