she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
