why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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