I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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