You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
