Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just gargled with NyQuil
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
