You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
