Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
