how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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