Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize