My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
