Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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