did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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