i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
