So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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