Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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