I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
