Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
