You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
