Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
