and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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