No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
