: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
