Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
