Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
