It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
