singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
