Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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