I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
