Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
They took my balls.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
