things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
