Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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