Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize