He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
