Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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