Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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