Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
