Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
