don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
