Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
