im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
