My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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