if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
