How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
