just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
