The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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