i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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