Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
how drunk are you?
Several
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
