is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
