did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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